We do want to know someone cares and Lady Fortuna has spun her wheel raw-ther kindly for me; happily, there exists a plethora of folks, friends and fam, upon whom I am certain I could rely for a ride home, drooling and slurring from a day at the dentist and too much nitrous oxide, or a night at an Irish pub and too much Guinness. To wit, each and every one of us must count one more person amongst our beloveds, one we may not even know. Or, maybe we do know of them, but are unaware of their affections. Secret admirers come in myriad form and format. Mine is a transplanted, Canadian-Maritime chick now living deep in the heart of Texas, and the not-so-secret admiration is mutual. She's bonkers and witty, speaks French and loves animals and vintage porcelain. I imagine, were we to live closer, we'd spend many a day at cafés, museums and antique shops. Such days would end enjoying wine in her wine tree, or on my beach, with our supportive, patient, long-suffering husbands. She is Jannie Funster.
Jannie sings for beer and donuts, is a damn fine Mommy of a wee gymnast/artist/musician, gives affection and a luxurious home to a "crap-ton of pets", had a wedgie on her wedding day and lives for five o'clock in her wine-drinking tree (a tree for drinking wine, not a tree which guzzles wine itself), weather permitting, which it almost always is in Texas. From her lushly gardened, poshly situated neighborhood in an Austin suburb, Jannie composes melodies and divines lyrics in her home studio, keeps fit via SPAM yoga, sells goodies once ina while on eBay (I got a gorgeous pair of red, suede Via Spigas) and scribes poems, non sequitur musings and intimate posts for her blog: categories range from "Ass Kicking" and "Bra Flinging", to "Nova Scotia" and "Rooftop Yodeling". Her words ever proffer selfless support, love, admiration and kindness for anyone whom cares to claim it. With the soprano lilt of a Disney bluebird, similar to the springtime café stylings of former-first lady of France, Carla Bruni or 1990s beauteous, dream-pop hippie Hope Sandoval of Mazzy Star, Jannie's lyrics and poetry tell you oh-so-sweetly to stop whining and live your life: recall fondly your past, relish your present and grow excited about your future. To boot, if you thought Jewel was the only pretty, blonde yodeler who could milk a cow and write about wedgies, you've not yet met The Funster!
"Kissing 39 Goodbye" (track 3) blows out the candles and wishes for 30 again: Another year disappeared so fast, fading forever like fireworks flashing / I'm kissing 39 goodbye again / All those pretty ladies on the covers of magazines / Those picture perfect babies, some still seventeen
"Rosie's Song" (track 9) pines for a sister, parted by silly distance: I've got a picture of you in my heart, it helps me try to be strong / Because I haven't seen you in so long / I miss you, I miss you, I miss you now / Hey, little sister, I never dreamed I'd live in Texas someday / Here I am and there you are, half a world away
"I Need a Man" (track 4) is quite apropos for some this Valentine's Day: I need a man with a chainsaw, I need a man with an axe / A guy who's good in the garden, to give my weeds a whack / I need a man to trim my hedges / I need a man who can cut my grass
Love is out there, life is out there and, best of all, wine is out there: go get some! Who's stopping you? She drinks wine in her tree in Texas, I drink mine on my beach in California. Where is your wine tree? No matter who you are, how far your loved ones are or where your wine tree grows, I Need A Man will cheer you, make you weep and make you spit out your wine. Even sans CD, The Funster will cheer you. Even if you are truly alone (and I do hate to think that anyone is in such a way), you shall ne'er be alone again when The Funster spreads her zen! Follow her blog; you shan't be sorry, ever! She and Fox Mulder tell us, "We are not alone" and "The truth is out there". Similarly, Jannie Funster is out there ... waaay out there sometimes, but then again, so am I. I'm willing to bet you are, too.
Jannie is currently recording her second CD, where you will find the long-awaited, "Banana Seat Bicycles": a charming, lilting tune of summer days, that awesome bike you had back in junior-high and endless, childhood friendships.
To quote Liz Lemon, "Happy Valentine's Day, no one!" and "Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day to us all!"
Tracks on I Need A Man
Hearts and Bones
Motorcycle Cop
Kissing 39 Goodbye
I Need A (Chainsaw) Man
Hurricane Jane
Bones
What'll I Do With Me
Sugar Lady
Rosie's Song
Bob's Coffee Shop
Mystery Tune
Wedgie Wedding
Smallest Songwriter (Music, lyrics by Kelly, age 5)
All music and lyrics, except Smallest Songwriter, by Jannie Funster, ASCAP
Copyright 2009, all rights reserved by Jannie Funster and Roski-Otto Records
Recorded, mixed and mastered by George Coyne, Parrot Tracks Studio, Manchaca, TX
Buy I Need A Man! Can't make it to Austin to see Jannie live? Fret not, Jannie records some performances for you!
Where is your wine tree? Tell us @JannieFunster & @JennyPopCom
